Someone pull me out of this funk!

The summer is about at a close (as I am reminded today by the adorable photo of my nephew's first day of kindergarten) and I finally have a few days to breathe and reflect and figure out what the hell I'm doing. 
Last week I completed the last final for those 3 general classes I mentioned in an earlier blog. And in July I finished the DONA weekend training for Postpartum Doula care. A huge accomplishment right?! One A, two B's, one shiny certificate and a growing desire to tattoo this somewhere on my body:

(credit to Tom Ruki, TY for perfectly drawing how I feel)

Why so sad?

Because

• On top of the grinding pressure of summer term science classes, I decided to quit the job I just started in February. It was indeed good exposure to hospital work and inter-departmental collaboration, but I also had panic attacks on the job from mounting stress and little support from supervisors (not to mention all the extra joys that come along with a non-benefited position).  
• I worked all the angles I could, but still had to pay out of pocket for these classes. 
• I actually had a great appointment with a career counselor about 2 months ago, but I haven't followed his advice yet to reach out to professionals for informational interviews. Maybe due to my own self-conscious tendencies, but it makes me sad all the same. 
• I realized over the summer how incredibly lonely I was. Students at my community college have no interest in knowing me inside and out, but they were the only people I saw (or even heard from regularly) weekly besides my husband. 
• My initial feeling after taking the long-awaited postpartum training was disappointment, I knew that I could do this work, but I also knew that it wasn't enough to satisfy me, another drop in my slowly filling bucket. 
• Because I finally got through to the therapist I started seeing this summer that what I really wanted was some combination of friend/mentor/life coach/counselor, but she is able to address only a small portion of those needs.
• Because nursing school deadlines are fast approaching and I don't even know if I am okay with pursuing this field of work.  
• Probably more reasons that would make this even more of an angst-y journal post... 
• Not to mention that I cannot afford regular massages.

 

Speaking of nursing schools, I have again confirmed this summer that I have expensive taste.
OHSU
Emory
UPenn
Boston U.
Loma Linda U. 

All would be awesome first choices as they have midwifery focused research and practicum (or maybe it's just that they have a bigger marketing budget). I do keep hearing from people that it is possible to pay back loans within a 5 year range so maybe I can consider $100,000 programs (if they let me in with B's).

Concordia U (here in town) is practically begging me to apply but their program is mainly online and not necessarily geared toward midwifery work.
Most of these schools also have an aBSN- MSN program but they require GRE scores with application, but Emory for example has a priority application deadline of October 15 (I'm not prepared to have taken the GRE by then).

Anyone willing to help me chart all this out????????