August

I am pleased with where I am compared to my last couple of posts. I've waded through this mire of decision making and anxiety and I hope I'm moving in a good direction. It feels pretty good :)

 This spring I was accepted to Emory University's ABSN program in Georgia. I was also placed on a Fall waiting list with OHSU's ABSN program (Yay! I feel really smart!) I was not accepted to WSU and I couldn't bring myself to continue on to further apply to Concordia U or others. My husband and I just could not find a way to consider moving so far and investing so much ($100k +) into an unclear and frustrating profession.
So, I went to counseling.
I pulled back from them all.
I took a break.
I started reading books for fun again.

I applied for several jobs, one with Evidence Based Birth
and reached out to volunteer with the NW Mother's Milkbank, Birthingway College, and Doula My Soul

Nothing has been successful.

The one thing that has been successful is volunteering at my church nursery to play with 1 year olds for a couple hours once a month or so. I also have enrolled in an IBCLC training program at PSU. I haven't thought as much about breastfeeding work in the past, but as I investigated I found that I had already completed all the pre-reqs thanks to prepping for nursing school. I also found that the program itself is much less intense than full spectrum RN training and more focused, obviously, on maternal health.

My main fears are that I will finish and then not be taken seriously. Or be unable to work at all due to never having breastfed or given birth to my own kids (I have no kids) PLUS not being a nurse (see all previous blog posts). When I tell people this, they usually scoff and say that should never happen, it shouldn't matter if I already have the primary training required. Their support is nice, but unfortunately it's a real thing to legitimize women's professional skills in this field based on their personal experiences.

So, here's the kicker.

I just found out that I am pregnant.

While this was a very unplanned (hopefully delightful) disruption, maybe it will end up legitimizing my work in the end.

I would quite happily pursue lactation consulting without having babies of my own, don't get me wrong, but maybe it's a good thing that these plans are mostly out of my control.